Okay, so! 5 months into this new life of mine and its been a whirlwind of emotions. Dealing with Family, work, love, and trying to have somewhat of a social life.. and by social life I mean being able to get out and having my local barista take my coffee order! ha ! but really sometimes I think of my own mother and wonder how she did it! WE HAVE MORE HELP today than any other generation before us.. we have all this access to unanswered questions just sitting at our fingertips.. I am googling everything! best food, best sunscreen, when should.., how come.., why is my baby.., you get the picture. IT'S INTENSE! just this month alone I took 3 hospital trips, under went surgery, and lost a loved one. Dealing with my own personal emotions, the emotions of my partner, and trying to keep this wonderfully made little human fed and loved is hard work! I GIVE IT UP TO ALL THE MOMMIES WHO ARE DOING IT AND HAVE DONE IT BEFORE ME!.. But despite the crazyness and the emotional breakdowns I love it.
its cliche to say but I do .. I'm not gonna lie for the first month I felt like this wasn't for me. that God didn't make me to be a mother. I felt disconnected from my baby and partner.I felt robbed .... It made me soo sad that I didn't have that "joy" that I was "Suppose" to feel. I wanted to be this super mom that was breastfeeding and feeling happy all the time.. but it was completely opposite and that floored me. Im happy to say that I have let go of the stereotype of being a happy perfect mom.. .. I understand its not going to be perfect but this baby was chosen especially for me..and I love him soooo much..
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everyday gets a little easier, my baby and I are bonding and it makes me feel good inside.I look forward to everyday spent with him. sure things get tough and i need a time to breathe.. but I wouldn't have it any other way